zinful

oh hello again DA! since I don't have access to a darkroom any longer, i've been painting with bleach instead. i'll be sticking some of those up here pretty soon.


my life has changed so much since i was last here. that's just the nature of existence, i suppose, and it's a pretty good thing that i'm only embarrassed by my earnest assumptions that life will always be the way it was, and not as embarrassed by how obviously amateurish my photography skills were. it seems like it's even harder to take meaningful artistic photos now, with the advent of phone cameras and on the fly digital manipulation. i commend all of you who still do so.

since i'm pretty much just grading and working on my thesis nowadays, there won't be much new stuff from me for a while. this used to horrify me...how could i let stupid LIFE get in the way of ART?! maybe i'm becoming complacent. it's all about balance- balancing the loneliness of separation from the vivacity of city life and my partner with the quietude of work and independence, balancing creative output with the day to day slog of finishing a degree, balancing what i want to happen today with what needs to happen by tomorrow.

neither art nor philosophy can happen in a vacuum. i need to leave pullman and  start living in the world.

hm. found a rool under the keyboard, went and paid good money for a day of developing and tada. looks like i'm on a nature kick again. also looks like people still stop by here even though i'm a slob who neglects her camera (sorry mr camera). thank you.
maybe i'll come back for real one day but photography went very rapidly from an escape to yet another interest i dont feel i can emotionally or financially handle. damnit. when you dont feel like you have enough time to practice your chosen art form (whatever it is, and it can be so many things) you know you're screwed and need to get your head in order. my head isn't getting into order damnit. i need to get myself back into my life and stop pretending it doesnt matter. when nothing matters art is impossible to create, things yes but no art. a laborer works with his hands, a craftsman works with his hands and his head and an artist works with his hands head and heart. i misquoted you st francis but you're dead so deal with it; at least i'm not stealing it. i could you know. i'm a heartless bitch like that.

wow. i cut my gallery almost in half. some of the stuff in scraps isn't exactly crap, just pics i never really felt finished with and don't ever want to mess with again, some of it just looks so amatuerish (subject matters and printing) and well... there's pumpkins in there too. gotta have variety. one day i'll post new pretty photos but for now i'm just streamlining. i think my hiatus from shooting has made me a more effective critic of my own work. this could be a positive thing, this wretched no developing time of my life. A POSITIVE THING DAMNIT.

no posting since forever. i have a little tiny bit, but i can't develop any of my holga pictures because i was a lazy asshole this quarter and hardly went into the darkroom. waaah!